All Alone

I went today and got my neupogen shot ALL BY MYSELF. I am so brave. Jim and Jack stayed home to relax in the a/c. It's  in the high nineties today, so no fun dragging the baby in and out of the car in all that. 

But when I got there, Jim's puzzle was done and they were on to a new one! I was so sad for him but maybe he will come tomorrow. 

I got home from TCC and my stomach started hurting. I have been staying on top of my antiemetics but something crazy started happening. I spent like two hours pretty much convinced I was dying. I took Diuladid and zofran and drank prune juice. I took a whopping 5mg of Valium, something I never do. And I took a bath but I was scared I would drown. Jim helped me out, I couldn't even get dressed. I even dropped a glass of water and shattered it. How that happens on carpet makes no sense to me. I think it hit a rivet on my jeans which were on the floor. Jim cleaned it up brought me a bunch more water and of course prune juice and Valium. He is now only letting me use plastic cups. To be fair, I break a cup once every few weeks. I was sweating and shaky all over. Seriously. That's what dying feels like, I think. 

It actually felt a bit worse than labor. Only shorter, obvs. After all the meds kicked in and I sat on a heating pad I felt much more human. I was just crying, begging Jim never to make me go through that again. If chemo is cumulative then I am just petrified. It started out as a backache around 2pm. I took Tylenol but it didn't do anything. It really just came on so suddenly. 

The meds seem to be working now and I'm sitting here with this guy:

And this one:

With the furbabies to help me supervise. 

We made two London broils because I like making sammie's outta them; they were half off this week. We also grilled Brie which is something I saw in a magazine, and grilled garlic and olive oil dusted pita chips. 

The sickness came and went so suddenly. I wish I could identify the trigger because it was just awful. If it was the neupogen shot, I would rather never leave my house again! I can survive without white blood cells ... I have another shot for tomorrow at 2:30.