The Last Day

I can't believe it, even as I am writing it, but today is finally, really, actually, FULLY, my very last day of chemo. Its hard to believe that less than 5 months ago, my life was changed forever. It still doesn't seem real. Its like there is this part of me that shut down inside and refused to believe it was even happening to me, and that part of me is still very much there. When I woke up this morning, it felt so different than any other chemo day. I haven't blogged in so long, and I am feeling rusty.

Part of the last day seems overshadowed, since my hCG had a small rise last week from 2.8 to 3.2. Dr. Sehbai is not concerned, and I actually emailed Dr. Goldstein, who is the medical director of the Dana Farber Institute. Dana Farber is the most advanced GTD center in the country, and I really trust Dr. Goldstein's opinion. The most amazing thing about him, is he has been emailing and talking on the phone with us with absolutely no way to bill for his services all along. I plan to follow up with him once I am done with chemo, and I can't wait to meet the man to whom treatment of GTD seems to be so important. I can't help wondering how he was touched by this horrible disease and what made him so dedicated to treating it. ANY-WHO.... Both Dr. Sehbai and Dr. Goldstein and Dr. Cowabunga agree that small rises in hCG are normal. It is still scary as hell, for sure. But, as long as there is not a trend upward, I am still in the clear. I think it's better that it happened while I still had one round of chemo to go, because I can still anticipate a drop in my number. So for now it is 3.2 and thats a hell of a lot better than where I started (over 300,000.)

We are planning on stopping in at Jim's work today before chemo with Jack to visit, so I can meet some of his coworkers. I have met a lot of them, but some of the administrators I haven't had the chance to meet yet. His work shift is throwing a benefit for our family to help us with the costs associated with treatment and from me not working all this time. The whole group at Sussex County EMS has been so tremendously understanding and supportive, I don't know what we would have done with out them. Jim received a crazy amount of donated leave from his coworkers, and has been able to stay home with me and help care for Jack this entire time. Sometimes, the goodness of people just surprises you. We are so lucky to have this extended family.

I can't even believe I did not lead with this, since the biggest deal today is........ Jim shaving his beard! He stopped shaving because I made some comment about wanting him to be like Gandolf in the early days, when my hair first started falling out. All along, I have sort of regretted making that comment, since the beard kind of makes him look like a crazy mountain man. But Jim loves it. In honor of the last day, he is going back to being my babyfaced sweetie. I will add pics a little later.

For now, Jack has systematically thrown each and every toy I have given him to occupy himself while I blog on the floor, so mommy duty awaits. The only big question is: should I don my tutu, as promised, for my last day of chemo?

You'll have to wait and see what happens, I guess. :)