Friday, August 16, 2013


Woke up (at 315) totally confused on couch. I don't want to wake baby so I'm face booking and chilling down here until 445 am when my home chemo infusion bag is empty and Jim unhooks me for now. If you don't recall, I keep the needle in and return for day 2 of the EMA portion tomorrow, well, today. I will also have a home nurse at 8 am to flush my port.  

Hopefully this is the last time we ever need to do this, but my numbers were screwy today. Feeling so anxious because we don't know what it means and need to redraw and wait to know things. I just want this to be done! 

Basically, what happened is they sent my labs to the Mayo clinic, since our local lab is only able to determine that it is <5, not 4,3,2, etc. Well, it came back 10. Ten isn't remission and would require more chemo. Or, if I'm trending up, I'm chemo resistant and need a new regimen. 

Unfortunately for me, Dr. Sehbai is on vacation. I did speak with him and Dr. Cowabunga on the phone. Both agree that variations in labs are normal and that I should stay calm until we know what the truth/real value is. But I already know ten is ten is ten. So, what's the point in being optimistic that another lab thinks its less. Unless that ten is truly an error. I guess, I am just feeling discouraged from the whole process for the first time. I'm so frustrated and angry. I even took a sedative, enough to sleep on the couch and away from my boys. That's huge for me. I just want to sleep until this is over. I even slept though my infusion yesterday. 

Sorry for the lame-o blog, just wanted to update. 

1 comment:

  1. No, not lame at all. What has made all of your blogs so powerful is how honest you are able to be with your feelings regarding this painful process. And disappointment and sadness are just as any other feeling. I am very sorry about your setbacks and I am hoping very, very much that this can all be behind you soon. You continue to be a huge inspiration. Lots of hugs and love going your way.