Sunday, June 23, 2013

"Strong Becomes the Lion

... When He Believes His Own Advice. (I've got this one beat.)"
That's an o. a. r. song. 
They are one of my favorite bands. 

There's the song. 

If you could believe your own advice, what would it be? Mine would be to slow down once in awhile and just take everything in. Not everything has to be instant gratification.  And to trust the process. And to be kind to everyone, always, but especially to myself. And to have a bit of faith in myself. Sometimes I'm not kind to me. 

I have chemo today. It's the CO of EMA/CO, round two. Mike and Sandy are out of town for a funeral. So, our friends Glenn and Mel are coming over to help with Jack. 

They are awesome. Glenn works with Jim. We are so lucky because we have probably had like 50 babysitting offers. And they are so lucky because they are the only ones we have taken up yet. They get Mr. Personality all afternoon: 

It's great that Jim can come along with me and hold my hand during chemo and we know Jack is safe and well cared for. I really like having Jim nearby. Sometimes I feel guilty dragging him along and making him watch me look so sad. But the nurses fawn over him. 

Cause he's awesome. 

The CO stands for cyclophosphamide, vincristine. Oncovin is the trade name of vincristine. I believe I have mentioned it here before, but it's the more vile of the two weeks. Last time I was ok until THURSDAY, when I was doubled over in pain for 8 hours. It also made me really really tired, for DAYS. But after 48 hours I can snuggle, and one day instead of 2 is nice. 

The cytoxan (cyclophosphamide,) makes my nose burn and gives me the worst sinus pain/pressure/headache. Its particularly irritating with the constant bloody noses. Claritin helps, but last time two Percocet, the following Saturday was the first headache relief. Dr. Sehbai gave me hydromorphone, or dilaudid. I am hoping it will help. I hate the painkillers/benzos. I'm just so afraid of addiction. But going through this pain free is more important. 

Last time, the cytoxan was a 20 minute drip, but they said they would probably infuse it over an hour instead to help with that nasal burning. Maybe I just won't bitch this time, so I can be outta there faster. 

I'm interested to see my white cell counts and my hemoglobin. It was kinda low so I  am anxious to see if I need blood. And my hcg of course! 

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