First off, please don't stop doing what you're doing!! Your good juju is obviously accounting for something, and I look so forward to comments, feedback, shares, and especially especially handwritten letters. Hint hint. If you email me, I will send you my mailing address. For now, it's just my private home.
All the lovins are definitely having an effect on my levels. Check out yesterday:
Three thousand three hundred and fourteen. You're not reading that wrong and it isn't a typo. It was 28,097 last week. And 333,000 the week before. So, obviously you're doing it right people!! And maybe, just maybe the chemo is too. Once the levels are 0, I get three extra rounds. Then, I get a vacation!
So, the faux hawk is great, but lets not forget I actually cut off my beautiful, thick, finally growing out from an awful bob pre-pre, shoulder length hair for a reason. The hair that I could finally pile on the crown of my head in a messy bun just so.... and the bangs.... nonexistent! What was that movie where the girl says, shes missed so many life events because shes growing out her bangs? I can't remember. It's funny and true. But before we get too TOO off track (see photos below,) lets remember I cut it all off because at least two of the meds I take cause....... "universal alopecia."
But I'm just wondering, when we are going to get on with it?!?!?!?! My scalp kind of burns and itches, and every time I wash or style it, I cringe, expecting a chunk to fall out in my fingers. This morning, I gingerly pulled out a barrette while looking in the mirror. Waiting for the walls to start closing in... Maybe I will finally develop some healthy anger. But so far, NOTHING! I know what you are thinking. Crazy bird, maybe it won't fall out! Maybe you'll get lucky?! But I know better. And I'm curious.
Get ready for some narcissism as I show you hats I've rocked in the past.
My mom was an aerobics instructor when pregnant with me. She boasts that I have a perfectly round head, among other perfections, of course. And brains! I also think its a great head for hats. All hats.
Below: Halloween in Delaware circa 2011.
So, we laughed, we cried, we saw me gain and lose about 40 pounds in photos ... And like 6 different variations of hair. But the bottom line is, when is this stuff going to fall out? I'm going crazy with it hanging over my head. Nurse Ratchet said 2-3 weeks. It's been two weeks since my first dose and I had more yesterday plus an all night infusion. I will have more around 2 today... I think I take 2 meds where "alopecia is universal," Etopiside and Actinomycin. And I think they are given twice per cycle at the same time.
I'm considering a buzz cut, for crying out loud. The anticipation and fear are going to send me to the loony bin.
If you are interested in sending me your favorite hat or scarf, comment or email. I will be happy to care for and return your garment in the condition you gave it to me in. Or better condition! Just ask Jaimie.
If you send a scarf, hat, or covering, and do not want it back, I will be donating them to cancer charity, so other pretty ladies or maybe kids, can protect and keep their scalps warm, sunburn free, etc.
If you knit, even better. I bet you can knit a few extra caps and I will pass them out at chemo.
So, hit me up!!
And when it does start to come out in earnest, please tell me you'll hold my hand and allow me to mourn. It might be a right of passage but it sure does sting a little.
Xo for now,